Take Your Time, Hurry Up
by Liete
Summary: -UK/US, delinquent AU- 'He wonders how it's possible to be so close to someone and yet have a seemingly impassable distance between you at the same time.'


**Take Your Time, Hurry Up  
**

**By: Liete**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia or any of the characters portrayed.**

**A/N: This _was_ an epilogue to my delinquent!England AU, but obviously I've since decided to continue writing it. :)  
**

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The first time Arthur opens his eyes it's to darkness. At first he doesn't want to move, he's too comfortable wrapped up in the warm cocoon that is Alfred, but with some effort he's able to lift his head up to peek over Alfred's shoulder at the clock.

Five in the morning. He groans and flops back onto the bed. Too early to be awake, too late to go back to bed. Alfred is still deep in sleep, even despite Arthur's squirming, and Arthur envies him.

While he's awake, and while Alfred is asleep, for that matter, he thinks he'll go out on the balcony and have a smoke. When he tries to extract himself from the arms around him, however, Alfred mumbles sleepy protests and pulls him closer. Not so deep in sleep as he'd thought, it seems.

"I was going to come right back, you dolt," he mumbles, but his only reply is Alfred's quiet snoring. Arthur sighs, but admits defeat and settles himself back down. He reaches out to touch Alfred's face in contemplation of the person lying beside him, and then Alfred twitches and scrunches up his nose slightly, just before he moves forward to snuggle his face against Arthur's. Arthur sucks in a breath at the sudden loss in proximity, but doesn't push him away. Alfred loves to cuddle, he's learned, and although Arthur still has his own inhibitions about such physical contact, it's such a small thing to ask that Arthur can't refuse him. Not when Alfred does so much for him in return.

Although he really shouldn't, Arthur lets himself get lost in the warmth and comfort that is Alfred and drifts off to sleep again.

When he next wakes, the sun is pouring in through their window and the spot beside him is empty. Alfred's whereabouts are not a mystery for very long, because he walks back into their room whistling and wearing nothing more than a towel. His eyes light up when he spots Arthur staring at him.

"Mornin' sunshine!" he says brightly and sits on the bed next to Arthur, looking both hesitant and expectant. Alfred wants to kiss him, Arthur knows, and although it would be so very easy to tilt his head towards Alfred to give him what he wants, instead Arthur just grunts and climbs out of bed. Of course he likes kissing Alfred, even if the younger boy still isn't very good at it yet, but there are much stronger implications behind such a gesture when it's done so casually now. It's those implications that still scare him.

Alfred's cheerful demeanor doesn't diminish in the slightest despite his rebuffed attempts for a kiss and he starts rummaging for clean clothes to wear.

"I'm gonna make some breakfast if you want to take a shower. Any requests?"

"Toast," Arthur says simply in reply, although he knows such a request will be more than filled. Alfred always makes too much for breakfast, stating that it's the most important meal of the day or some such nonsense. It's always stacks of syrup drenched waffles, bacon, eggs and sausage all covered in grease, too buttered toast and large glasses of orange juice. Arthur needs more meat on his bones, Alfred says, even after Arthur takes a single piece of toast and ignores the rest of the heaping plates before him. The boy is still persistent, perhaps even more so now that they're living together.

When he's done with his shower and getting dressed, he goes into their small kitchen to find that Alfred's just finishing with his usual breakfast banquet. He sits at the table and Alfred places a plate in front of him, a piece of toast with bits of scrambled eggs arranged in a smiling face on top of the piece of bread. Both are glistening so brightly that it's a certainty that both items are swimming in butter. He looks at Alfred, who beams at him.

"Bon appetit!" he says cheerfully and starts on his own mountain of food. Arthur may die young from how much he smokes, but Alfred's diet will be his undoing. Arthur wrinkles his nose in disgust and picks at the eggs smiling just as cheerfully as the person who made them. The tight feeling in his chest has nothing to do with all the butter clogging his arteries after months of eating Alfred's cooking, but he doesn't want to admit, even to himself, what it really means. He shovels the eggs in his mouth lest he think on it any further.

Across the table, Alfred is chewing on his lip and averting his eyes in that way he does when he's about to say or do something that's potentially upsetting. Arthur tries to look indifferent, though he's now afraid that his smiling eggs were a lead in to something else. He hopes that Alfred's gestures are misleading, and Arthur is afraid for nothing.

It wouldn't be the first time that his potentially upsetting gestures were misleading.

After confessing to Alfred that he wanted them to be together, they'd settled into a different, awkward sort of routine. Arthur cut the sex out of their relationship entirely, as if to prove to himself that he didn't just love Alfred because he liked fucking him, and also because he didn't want to run the risk of getting caught. Although they also stopped spending so much time together, as well (Alfred was too busy with college preparation and Arthur had gotten a job assisting with deliveries at a grocery store), Arthur found that he enjoyed Alfred's no company no less than he had when their relationship was based solely on sex, when Arthur had been in denial of his feelings. But there was still a barrier between them, despite all that happened.

It had been a Friday afternoon during the spring of Alfred's senior year and they'd met up at the park, as had become their custom since Arthur couldn't meet him at school anymore. They'd sat in an unusual silence while Alfred did that lip biting, eye averting thing of his, while Arthur smoked and tried to not make it obvious that he was watching Alfred. Finally Alfred spoke up.

"I've been accepted to a university that's out of state…and I'm going to go," he'd said hesitantly and finally looked at Arthur out of the corner of his eye.

"Are you?" Arthur had replied, trying to appear impassive despite how torn up he felt inside. Alfred going away meant that he'd only get to see him on his breaks, because there would be no way to afford visiting Alfred unless he obtained the money through underhanded means and then Alfred might be suspicious. As tenuous as their relationship was, Arthur didn't think he'd make it that long without _any_ contact from him.

"I want you to come with me," Alfred blurted out, interrupting Arthur's troubled train of thought. Arthur whipped his head around to stare openly at Alfred, who smiled shyly in return and fidgeted. "I mean, only if you want to. I went looking for apartments when I went to check out the university and there's one right near campus that would work really well for us. That's only if you want to come with me, of course!"

Arthur had stared at Alfred in shock, parsing his words, and finally he swallowed and leaned over to kiss Alfred, because his own words were failing him once again. He'd felt Alfred smile against his lips, pleased with the nonverbal agreement to his plans.

As Alfred neared his graduation, Arthur saw very little of him and what little time they did spend together was mostly just planning for their departure towards the end of the summer. When the day finally came, Arthur had packed up what few possessions he wanted into a plastic bag and had left his family without a word. They wouldn't notice he was gone anyway. Then he'd helped Alfred pack up his beat up used car he'd bought with the money he'd saved up after working in the fast food restaurant for a few summers and the trailer he'd rented and they'd been on their way.

"Mom and Dad know about you now," Alfred had said when they were on the road. "I…don't think I'll ever be introducing you to them, though. They were pretty convinced I'd marry some girl and give them a bunch of grandchildren. But hey, at least they didn't disown me, right? My little brother Mattie's a little more laidback about his big brother having a boyfriend instead of a girlfriend, so I'm sure he'll come visit us sometime."

Arthur hadn't pressed the issue, although it was no doubt more complicated than Alfred made it out to be. That Alfred was still leaving with him was the important thing, that they were on their way to a place where no one knew them as Alfred the golden boy and Arthur the delinquent, so maybe he wouldn't be so fiercely glared at when they went somewhere together.

Next came the music, some dreadful pop rubbish that Arthur put up with for several hours before finally he demanded that Alfred turn it off or he'd fling himself out of the car and onto the highway. Alfred had called him on his bluff and Arthur had actually opened the car door, much to Alfred's horror.

Then the trip continued without much incident, although Alfred insisted on stopping at every state line to take a picture and wasted money at every tourist trap they came across. Arthur grumbled each time, although he knew he'd come to treasure the pictures in time.

After what felt like an eternity, but was really just almost a day, they finally reached their destination and Alfred had clambered out of the car so he could gesture excitedly towards the high rise tower that housed their new flat.

"Here we are! Home sweet home!" he'd chirped and immediately set to work pulling boxes out of the car. Arthur had helped, but once every box was inside the flat, Arthur only let Alfred get as far as setting up the mattress in the master bedroom before he insisted that they do no more that night and jumped him.

After a year and a half of celibacy, voluntary though it may have been, he found that he couldn't control his desire to be with Alfred anymore. Not now that they were alone together, in a place of their own. He'd been relieved to find that even after all that time, Alfred had no less of an effect on him. Even more of a relief was how enthusiastically Alfred had returned the sentiment. Where he'd always just laid back and let Arthur do what he wanted before, now he returned each kiss and touch with equal fervor. Then afterwards Alfred had pulled Arthur close and murmured words of love as they'd fallen asleep in each other's arms.

It wasn't until the next morning that everything finally hit Arthur. They lived together now. They wouldn't part company at the end of the day. They wouldn't go for days without seeing each other. They wouldn't really be able to hide things from each other.

Arthur's musings of the past are interrupted by Alfred's sudden movement. He looks over at the younger boy, who smiles hesitantly and then stands up. Arthur stiffens, anticipating the worst, but instead he finds warm lips on his own. Alfred taking the kiss he'd been denied earlier. Alfred always kisses him so tenderly that it makes his heart ache, and Arthur has to pull away and avert his face after a short time.

Alfred doesn't seem to mind, because he bends over and kisses the top of Arthur's head as he says quietly, "I picked up an extra shift at work, so I won't be coming home after class. I'll probably be working pretty late, so don't wait up, all right?"

Arthur nods, although they both know what will really happen. The fact that they have two bedrooms is merely a formality. It was supposed to be that Arthur would have a room of his own if he needed to be alone, but the need has never risen. He sleeps with Alfred every night, and they both know they can't really sleep unless the other is next to them, although they'll never say as much out loud. He'll be awake until Alfred gets home, without a doubt.

Alfred ruffles Arthur's hair and then grabs his backpack as he heads out the door, waving goodbye as he leaves.

"Take care," Arthur says quietly to the closed door, then he sighs.

He wonders how it's possible to be so close to someone and yet have a seemingly impassable distance between you at the same time. But that's how it is with Alfred. He loves him, and he's never given any doubt that Alfred loves him in return, but he's still waiting for the day when that will all end. He's waiting for the day when Alfred's eyes will stop lighting up at the sight of him, when he'll stop holding him so close at night, when he'll be the one shying away from kisses, when that love he feels will die. Because Alfred is a good person, their relationship will end quietly, although no less painfully.

That's the barrier between them. Arthur's doubts, and his hesitance to give in to his desire to just be with Alfred and let him in to all of Arthur's horrible secrets. A good person like Alfred won't push him away because he was (and still is, in a way) a horrible person who did horrible things and never felt any remorse for any of his transgressions.

He works full time so Alfred isn't the only one supporting them, while still going to school full time, as well. But old habits die hard, and he still gets into fights too easily. He'd been arrested one night and spent the night in jail after a particularly nasty fight. The next morning he'd returned home to find Alfred a wreck, clearly having spent the entire night awake and wondering where he'd been.

"Where were you? I was really worried!" he'd gasped as he swept Arthur into a worried hug and then held him at arm's length.

Arthur had shrugged and acted casual, like it had been nothing. Luckily the bruises he'd received during the fight were all easily concealed by his clothing. "It was nothing. Just stayed out a little too late with a few blokes I work with."

"Call next time, all right?" Alfred had asked anxiously, pleadingly.

Arthur nodded, but of course he hadn't used his phone call to let Alfred know he'd been arrested. There are some things Alfred still doesn't need to know. Especially that the person he loves can't control his temper at times.

He doesn't drink anymore, mostly because he'd always obtained his alcohol by stealing it, and he's trying to put all that dishonesty behind him. He can't be with Alfred if he's going to continue his deviant lifestyle. Alfred wants to be some sort of scientist who comes up with miracle cures for the world's worst ailments, to save the world and be a hero, and he can't have a lover who is the scum of society.

He still smokes, however, even though Alfred had pulled the cigarette out of his mouth one day and leaned over to kiss him instead.

"I like kissing you more when you don't smoke," he'd said, and that was enough for Arthur. He doesn't smoke inside their flat, at least, and he doesn't smoke when he knows he'll be kissing Alfred, but smoking is one of his vices he can't let go of.

He knows that Alfred hides a little from him, as well. He doesn't get to meet very many of Alfred's friends, and he supposes that's because he still has those ugly feelings of jealousy when he thinks of Alfred enjoying the company of someone who isn't him, even if he's the one Alfred comes home to everyday. He can't help feeling jealous of those Alfred is close to, and he wonders if they know things about Alfred that he doesn't.

He'd also come home early from work one day to find Alfred playing one of those video games of his and shouting obscenities into a headset.

"Bastards! You fucking suck! You call that playing? My grandmother is better than your pansy asses!"

He'd cleared his throat and Alfred had snatched the headset off his head in a panic and quickly turned off the game.

"Arthur! I didn't know you'd be home so soon! I haven't gotten dinner ready yet so I'll do that right now!"

Then he'd shuffled off to hide himself in the kitchen until he'd given Arthur a haphazardly prepared meal that almost made his own food look appetizing, which was really saying something. Alfred had gone to bed early that night, as well, and slept with his back to Arthur.

Does Alfred think Arthur will love him any less if he's not always cheerful? No one can be perfect, and Arthur doesn't expect Alfred to be.

But that's just the way they are now. Dancing around each other, afraid to meet in the middle. Afraid of what that will mean.

Sometimes Arthur wonders if he too will one day stop loving Alfred. If their relationship will end in raised voices and horrible, hateful words spewed with vitriol. Because Arthur gets violent when he's angry, he'd almost certainly hurt Alfred physically, as well. All the more reason to be afraid of getting too close. He'll just hurt Alfred, no matter how much the boy insists that he's tough and can handle it.

The only time they seem to lose their inhibitions is in the throes of passion, and in those quiet moments after when they're just in each other's arms. But that's not how it should be. Once upon a time their relationship had been based solely on sex, and that's not what he wants now.

But he's afraid of what he really wants.

He'd been rather shocked to learn that Alfred had chosen to attend a school in one of the few states where gay marriage is legalized, and he wonders if Alfred is really thinking that far ahead. Or perhaps it's merely a coincidence and Arthur is the one getting his hopes up. As if they'll actually be able to reach that point!

After another day of menial work he thinks he's too good for, but is unable to pursue anything else because he never actually finished high school, he trudges back into the place he now calls home. It's empty, of course, since Alfred will be returning late.

He makes his way to the kitchen where there's most certainly going to be leftovers he can eat, but he wants a meal that isn't going to give him a heart attack one day for once. As usual, his attempt at cooking goes up in a glorious blaze and he cringes at the marks left on the stove. He won't waste food, however, so he eats it instead of throwing it out like most other people would do.

He sits at the table staring off into space and wondering about himself and Alfred until the door opens and said boy appears. He spots Arthur and smiles.

"You're still awake, after all? I figured. Well, I'll wash the dishes and then we'll go to bed!"

Arthur nods and quietly excuses himself from the kitchen, only to hear Alfred sighing as he leaves.

"Aww man! You didn't try to cook again, did you? I only just got that stove working again!"

"Fuck you," Arthur replies and Alfred looks over his shoulder to stick out his tongue. He's gotten cheekier since they've been together, which is really for the best. Arthur controlled Alfred too much before, and they'll never break down any barriers if there's not more equality in their relationship.

He pauses in the doorway watching Alfred as he rolls up his sleeves and starts washing their dishes manually, since they decided there's no need to spend money on an automatic dishwasher. Alfred starts whistling a tune and Arthur continues to watch him.

What can he say about this person? A person who loves him even knowing he's not the high society type Alfred should really be associating with. A person who he wakes up next to every morning, and sleeps with every night. A person who makes his meals and mocks his cooking when he tries to do the same. A person he comes home to and who comes home to him. There really is only one thing to say about such a person.

"I love you," he says, and it's so easy.

Alfred stiffens and Arthur swears he hears one of the dishes he'd been washing shatter, but it doesn't matter. Alfred turns to give him a helpless look, then he's descended upon with a flurry of kisses and 'I love you's breathed out between deliriously happy laughter. The first breakdown of barriers between them, the first step to ridding themselves of the awkwardness that plagues them now. Arthur is finally able to laugh along with Alfred, and it feels so good.

But then the dream is over and he's still standing in the doorway to their kitchen watching Alfred's back as he whistles a tune and washes the dishes. His tongue pastes itself to the roof of his mouth, leaving him unable still to tell Alfred that he loves him. He clamps his mouth shut lest Alfred see him gaping like a fish.

It would be easy, wouldn't it? Three little words that could change things for the better. But fear isn't so easy to overcome.

He can't say it, not now and maybe not for a very long time, but at least when Alfred is finished and turns to smile at him, he manages a small smile in return.


End file.
